Thursday, November 4, 2010

Excerpt Number Two!

Okay - here's another excerpt from my book! My book has some romance in it, and I've been very nervous about writing it. I've never tried to write love before, but I'm really liking how it's going so far! Seriously, I'd love for everyone to tell me exactly what you think about this paragraph. Good, bad, whatever...but I'd love your opinion!

Kady walked up the stairs to her bedroom and closed the door. She had known very well that her mother would not open the letters – but she wanted to know what they said so badly. Their dear friends, the Stuarts, had moved from Virginia to Minnesota years ago. “When will I see them again?” wondered Kady dismally, fingering the ribbon that tied old letters from Josiah, Ariel, Charlotte, and the other Stuart children. Letters were treats that didn’t come all that often, due to the distance between the two families, and recently politics and high tension had caused many delays. It had been two years since their last visit South, and Kady knew it would be much longer before they would all be together again. She thought back over the years, remembering the wonderful times they used to have together. The Stuart children had grown up with the Bowens and had gone through good times and bad times together. Rubin, the youngest, was now ten and was the special friend of Kady’s younger sister, Kristen. He was a rambunctious boy, full of mischief, and had always been a handful for his parents, Jack and Marie. Annie, age seven, was also close to Kristen. She had been named after Kady’s mother, and had Anne’s sweet disposition. Charlotte was fifteen and was close to Kady. Sweet and playful, she was always the family’s encourager and always wore a happy smile. Jack, the next oldest at sixteen, was named for his papa, and tended to be peace maker between two of Kady’s brothers, Matthew and Mark. The three boys were inseparable. Ariel was Kady’s closest friend and confidante, was seventeen just like Kady, and was just as gentle, caring, and playful as her younger sisters. Stephen, eighteen, was Kady’s brother Henry’s good friend, and the two of them had often gotten each other into trouble in their younger years. William, the oldest of the Stuarts at twenty-one, was very close to Richard, Kady’s oldest brother. He and Kady had also grown closer and closer over the years, and their friendship continued to blossom. “Will it ever be something more?” Kady thought, wistfully, tracing the flow of the pink satin ribbon on her dark brown skirt. She had cared deeply for Will almost ever since she had known him. “But what does he feel?” she wondered uncertainly.
Kady glanced out the window at the gradually setting sun. She had a few moments until Sarah served dinner. Untying the pack of letters, she began to read.

 I would've liked to put in the letter she reads from Will, but I think this paragraph is pushing it. =) I don't want to put much of my book on my blog...but I wish I could! Anyway...let me know what you all think about it!

All writing is copyrighted by Hannah B. and MAY NOT be used without permission.


May Amelia said...

Wow this is sooooooo good! =)
One thing... I would change the word "treat," to something like "Letters were cherished treasures that didn't come all that often...." etc. It sounds a little "off" in my opinion, but it's just that--my opinion! So whatever works/ sounds best for you!
(Go Minnesota! =D )

Hannah said...

Great idea! Yeah, I hadn't thought about that - I'll change it. Thanks! I appreciate it!


(Yeah - go MN!)

Kristen said...

Beautiful! Bravo! I'm a writer too, and am working on a story I wrote a while back called "Mary's Night Vigil". It's a sweet story during the American Revolutionary War between a young British soldier, and a young patriot girl. I hope to one day make it a book. I also am in the process of writing another story about a young orphan boy who ran away from an orphanage, and his adventures. It's called "Wish for a Home". Well, that's enough jabbering. =P Have a lovely day!

Because He Lives,

Lauren Nicole said...

This is wonderful!

Mattea said...

I like how you express things in words all the time. It's so nice to have the picture in your mind.

I agree about not writing the whole book in you blog. But it's nice to write a few things here and there. Thanks for the post! (I'm loving the book =D)


Hannah said...

Thanks, everyone! =)